well that was short.
ive been home for about a week now and have already finished my first week of school, back at PSU. still havent done any homework yet though.
i'm not sure if this will be my last entry or not. it seems fitting since it is titled Prague Blog that i not continue writing after i've come back from Prague. Perhaps i will just continue in my other more obscure blog.
for my last entry i thought i might do something a bit different and more personal. i will share with you an abridged version of my journal entry in the JFK airport on my way to PDX. I sat down at my gate with about 30 min to spare and decided to write about a certain thing which was on my mind but to my surprise a whole slew of other things came out, and i wrote for the entire time until my section of the plane was called to board. Some of this may not make sense due to its more personal nature but i thought it was interesting enough to share, and hopefully you'll find it interesting too:
So funny that my last experience on this pilgrimage is on 01-01-11, you see because this whole time i've been having confusions about how to write the date, but on THIS day, it doesn't matter! Plus it just looks cool.
I am returning home with much more than a sense of achievement. My sense of achievement is far surpassed by my sense of urgency to create a better life for myself and live as full as I can. To my benefit or detriment, these are my emotions, but I will try to focus on the positive. In this world it is too easy to find the negatives and I have a LOT of positives to be thankful for.
I feel like this is just beautiful brain throw-up.
Love Actually was right about the bizarity of airports. I can't wait to get home and see my parents and family.
Every surprise is wonderful and beautiful in it's nature alone.
I am an interesting and fun person who attracts the same sort of people, at least in females, and cool 27 year old cousins.
I'm so bad at consuming food.
Oh remember this guy in the plaid pj pants and the pancho hoody tied around his waist! it's like he saw the portlandia clip about portland being stuck in the 90's and he wanted to fit in with the locals. Which brings me to....Martha! I love her. She is so interesting, I don't want to kiss her, but i do greatly enjoy her.
I am so happy about my new family. SO interesting! I am happy about my amazing best friends who miss me.
Before you go and start making yourself sad I have a few more things to congratulate you on.
I am happy I feel my potential! I had a goal as of last night, kinda forgot what it was but i remember being proud of myself for identifying it.
I'm glad i'm young although the sense of time doesnt give me much solace.
i'm happy people basically like me.
i'm glad i lived in prague.
i'm glad i hardly lost anything, as far as i know.
i'm glad i met emily as she helped me identify more parts of myself that i needed to work on
i'm especially glad i met katie, colleen, and kate
i'm glad i can recognize my mistakes, whether i should correct them or not is up for debate.
i'm glad i can recognize beauty in many different forms.
i wonder if i'm writing so many positives because there are so many or if i'm afraid to look into the other side. it can be a swirling black whole.
i think the only way to solve this is to gently and cautiously start sorting out the other side.
i hope theres a good movie on the plane.
ok. im afraid of the brevity of life and the lack of chances i've taken already. afriad that my life could've been more beautiful than it is now and maybe there's not enough time to make up for it.
i know that every person has their own timeline and mine may not line up with hollywood's or most everyone else's but that doesnt make it any worse. nehorsi (czech for the worst) moslty i just dont feel like going down that negative path right now and i think thats fine. i've certainly been there more than enough in the past couple weeks. i think i've taken a fine mental beating and it's time to start recooperating. plus i have a lot to be happy about right now, primarily getting to see my friends and family.
oh ive learned so much! this is awesome! i hope i never forget it.
oh i cant wait to see portland. so strange but true. oh my god, and the pdx airport?!? SQUEAL!!!
life could surprise you.
i wonder if i can go against my natural tendency and just not think, relax, and fall asleep on the plane.
this androgynous looking woman is playing with that baby. that used to be me when i was more loving and carefree, the playing with the baby part. i need to try and be more loving. thats a resolution me, even though i dont really belive in them. crazy i've been writing the entire time ive been sitting here. i wonder if anyone noticed.
i cant believe im going home!! i cant believe this is ending!! surreal. i learned so much, i just wished i ........
oh god, if someone ever read this it would be bad.
i should maybe publish this.
so there you have it my European semester abroad. an irreplaceable experience i can never forget.
